Motherfuckin’ Judea, and Other Stories

So, I was shitposting on Twitter when I got dragged for chiming in on a conversation concerning whether a philosophic, historical thread was inherent in the fomentation of the West as the modern world’s dominant material and political force. Huge statement to unpack in a series of 140 character soundbites, so I thought I’d sound off here and hopefully dispel the myth that there even is such a concept as “the West” that deserves enshrining in the diseased minds of those who basically amount to Nazi-sympathizers.

So, settle the fuck in – cause it’s gonna be a long one.

Let’s take it back. And I’m talking way back. To the time of dust and thunder, when the big dogs were on the scene and getting rowdy. You already know who it is. I’m talking about my boy, the Golden Eagle Who Ain’t Never Feeble, the Italian Stallions: The Roman Empire. And in the other corner? Well, I’m on that Jewish insurgency leading to Christendom shit. And only one place is intense enough to host this showdown: motherfuckin’ Judea.

We all know that Jesus was the Beast from the Middle East. Anyone with a functioning brain, anyway. That same group of people will also attest to the fact that Christianity was born out of Judaism. It is a sect or an offshoot or separate school of thought within the same family of theology. Pure and simple. Done and done. That, alone, separates Christianity from the fictional acropolis of “the West”. By its origins and the national origin of its prevaricators, it isn’t “Western”. Its birthplace is the same area of the world that “Westerners” love to call for the wholesale annihilation of: the Middle East. That’s enough to detach Christendom from any thread of commonality with “Western” values. But let’s take it a step further, just for kicks.

Christianity caught on relatively quick, as monotheistic religions calling for the purgation of infidels and apostates usually do. It spread throughout the Mediterranean Basin on the backs of the Empire’s armies and along its well-used and well-maintained series of trade networks. Again, common knowledge, right? Yes, exactly. Lo and behold, Christianity worms its way into the heart of the Roman world and precipitates its absolute collapse. Are the two events linked? I don’t know. That doesn’t concern me.

What does concern me is that the Roman values pontificated upon and adored by “Westerners” of our modern era were at odds with the values of Christianity, to the point that the Roman populace called for the state persecution of Christians. The two belief systems – Roman Paganism and Christianity – were totally incompatible within the soul of the late Empire, and the society which superseded it bore little, if any, tangible resemblance to that of the Caesars. The only continuity was a Pope that, much like his decedents in the Year of Our Lord Two-thousand Seventeen, pulled a clever trick on a Frankish patriarch that Christianity would go on to use to stave off destruction via the Vikings: offering land, titles, and material aid in return for the conversion of the heathen king and his soldiers.

(I must take a moment here to point out that the destroyers of most of classical “Western” civilization were oftentimes German, who have a special place in the hearts of “Westerners” as a people emblematic of “Western” values. So, the destroyers of “the West” are also a part of “the West” and represent it just as much as the nation(s) which they destroyed and subsumed. Just so we’re clear. Alright, moving on.)

A series of barbarian invasions utterly crippled the Western Roman Empire, to the point of titularity, while the Eastern (and decidedly non-“Western”) Empire went on kicking. This culminated in the royal asskicking a heathen German named Odoacer levelled on Rome itself, basically ending any sense of Roman imperialism in western Europe. Which left the playing field open for one of the big boys, one of the headliners of history: Charlemagne, who was (again) fucking German and unchristian and what have you. Seeing a pattern? Not yet? Would it help to know that Charlemagne was made Emperor in hopes to revive the bid of the leftover Romans for Empire? Which only precipitated the Holy Roman Empire (which was neither Roman nor Holy)? The concept of “the West” had been beaten bloody already back then, leave alone its modern resurrections.

In sum, the obsession the Alt-Right has with an invented Utopian West (like many Utopias) is utterly baseless and without any historical associations. Christianity began in the Middle East, behaved like any other cultural export; the Romans were divorced from the values of Christ and the Empire’s German conquerors; and these societies fucking hated each other with a palpable force. And yet they are all looked to by extremist whites as an interconnected model for society. This cursory explanation doesn’t even do the confused nest of racist, imperialist sentiment justice. Eurocentrism makes about as much sense as the argument that Jesus was white, as if it even fucking matters. Would it help to know that a Christianized Charlemagne went on to oversee a vicious campaign of basically ethnic cleansing against the Pagan Saxons, which got the Vikings jazzed up enough to start raiding churches? All I know is that I don’t know. One of these things is not like the other, and Donald Trump sure as shit ain’t your second coming of the Teutonic Savior.


(Image cred to The Daily Dot)

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